Like many Indian women, I too have many bad memories of being touched inappropriately in public places, crowded streets, public transport, etc. It started during my high school days. Once, I was going to school in the bicycle and someone walking on the road suddenly touched me inappropriately. During my college days, while going for tuitions in the early mornings, such experiences only increased. I would feel ashamed of myself; it would bother me for many days, I would get scared walking alone on the streets at any time of the day. I neither had the courage to face those morons bravely nor could I share my plight with someone. I only suffered in silence.
After a few years, I gathered some courage, especially when a passenger sitting behind or beside me in the bus tried touching me inappropriately, I would warn them to behave properly in a stern (but not so loud) voice. Or when someone intentionally bumped into me in a crowded street, I would stare at them and ask "are you blind?".
But, last week I saw a different me.
My 8-year-old daughter and I had been for shopping to buy a pair of anklets for her. The shop was in a crowded street of one of the famous street-shopping areas of the city. That day, the streets were moderately crowded. We were just 100 meters away from the shop and were walking on the footpath. I was holding the hand of my daughter who was on my left side. To my right, roadside vendors were selling multiple things and I was watching it while passing by. Suddenly, I felt someone run their fingers over my backside. Within a fraction of second, I turned back and saw this man behind me whose hand was still stretched towards me and was about to take it off. I had caught him almost red-handed! There was absolutely no one behind him to push (meanwhile, my daughter had also turned back wondering what happened).
I got very angry and asked him, "aren't you ashamed of your behaviour?". He pretended as if he didn't hear me and moved past us. Suddenly, a thought came to my mind, "what if he had done the same to my daughter?". That mere thought made my blood boil. When I asked her, She said, "I don't know!" Of course, she knows about the "good touch and bad touch" but can a 8-year-old differentiate between the two in such circumstances?
I lost my cool completely and started following him along with my daughter. After a few minutes, he stopped near a shop. I stood behind him and yelled, "aren't you ashamed of yourself?". He turned back and was shocked to see me as he didn't expect I would follow him. I continued, "ghar me maa behen nahi hain kya?". For the first time, I could feel the real emotions behind this filmy dialogue. Initially, he denied doing anything and didn't even make eye contact. I asked him why I should make false accusation on someone publicly. Finally, when I said, "let's go to the police", he confessed that he made a mistake and apologized. The shop owner who was his friend, also scolded him. He looked embarrassed now. Many pedestrians were passing by but no one cared except a lady who was accompanied by her daughter (almost my daughter's age), asked me what happened. After listening to me, she advised me to hit him with a slipper!
I didn't hit him with a slipper, but warned him, "phir kabhi aisa kiya, toh chappal se maarungi!". He apologized again and we left. For the very first time in my life, I had used such words to anyone, and it happened in front of my daughter!
I don't know whether I handled the situation properly but I was immensely happy that after so many years, finally, I raised my voice against the humiliation of being touched inappropriately.
While going back home in the auto, I explained my daughter how such things can happen in crowded places and one should be vigilant enough to understand whether someone touched us or bumped into us unintentionally, by mistake due to crowd or intentionally they did a bad touch.
She asked, "Mom, you scolded him so much, what the other people might have thought?" I said, "What he did was an offence. He should be ashamed of his act, not me. All these years, I have experienced such things many times and couldn't do anything fearing what other people might think. But, it is very important to raise your voice against such things otherwise men like him would feel it's cool to do a "bad touch". Next time he thinks twice before doing it to someone else. Maybe, only the last few words I shouldn't have used". She nodded in agreement.
I felt, motherhood has made me strong, both physically and emotionally.
After a few years, I gathered some courage, especially when a passenger sitting behind or beside me in the bus tried touching me inappropriately, I would warn them to behave properly in a stern (but not so loud) voice. Or when someone intentionally bumped into me in a crowded street, I would stare at them and ask "are you blind?".
But, last week I saw a different me.
My 8-year-old daughter and I had been for shopping to buy a pair of anklets for her. The shop was in a crowded street of one of the famous street-shopping areas of the city. That day, the streets were moderately crowded. We were just 100 meters away from the shop and were walking on the footpath. I was holding the hand of my daughter who was on my left side. To my right, roadside vendors were selling multiple things and I was watching it while passing by. Suddenly, I felt someone run their fingers over my backside. Within a fraction of second, I turned back and saw this man behind me whose hand was still stretched towards me and was about to take it off. I had caught him almost red-handed! There was absolutely no one behind him to push (meanwhile, my daughter had also turned back wondering what happened).
I lost my cool completely and started following him along with my daughter. After a few minutes, he stopped near a shop. I stood behind him and yelled, "aren't you ashamed of yourself?". He turned back and was shocked to see me as he didn't expect I would follow him. I continued, "ghar me maa behen nahi hain kya?". For the first time, I could feel the real emotions behind this filmy dialogue. Initially, he denied doing anything and didn't even make eye contact. I asked him why I should make false accusation on someone publicly. Finally, when I said, "let's go to the police", he confessed that he made a mistake and apologized. The shop owner who was his friend, also scolded him. He looked embarrassed now. Many pedestrians were passing by but no one cared except a lady who was accompanied by her daughter (almost my daughter's age), asked me what happened. After listening to me, she advised me to hit him with a slipper!
I didn't hit him with a slipper, but warned him, "phir kabhi aisa kiya, toh chappal se maarungi!". He apologized again and we left. For the very first time in my life, I had used such words to anyone, and it happened in front of my daughter!
While going back home in the auto, I explained my daughter how such things can happen in crowded places and one should be vigilant enough to understand whether someone touched us or bumped into us unintentionally, by mistake due to crowd or intentionally they did a bad touch.
She asked, "Mom, you scolded him so much, what the other people might have thought?" I said, "What he did was an offence. He should be ashamed of his act, not me. All these years, I have experienced such things many times and couldn't do anything fearing what other people might think. But, it is very important to raise your voice against such things otherwise men like him would feel it's cool to do a "bad touch". Next time he thinks twice before doing it to someone else. Maybe, only the last few words I shouldn't have used". She nodded in agreement.
I felt, motherhood has made me strong, both physically and emotionally.
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